To Anyone Feeling Lonely
(gentle music) – [Narrator] Hey Psycho2goers,
welcome back to our channel, we wanted to let you know that we value every one of you. All of your support helps us make psychology and mental health
more accessible to everyone. So thank you for all of
the love and support. Now, back to the video. How often do you feel lonely? While it’s common for all of
us to experience loneliness now and then, what do we do if the feeling persists more than we’re used to? If not dealt with properly, loneliness can grow into something harmful to mental health. Now, if you believe you’re suffering from excessive or chronic loneliness, a good plan might be to seek out help through a counselor or
mental health professional.
It’s a great first step and gives you a chance
to talk with someone about the feelings that
you’re experiencing. While a lot of us can feel lonely when isolated for too long, loneliness isn’t reliant on being alone. Loneliness, like all of our
emotions, is a state of mind. Research demonstrates that
loneliness does not reflect how many friends or family
members you have by your side. Instead, it’s how connected
you feel internally. You can be surrounded
by family or friends, and yet your feelings of loneliness still somehow manage to persist. So what can we do about it? Well, you’re in luck, because here at Psych2go we’ve
gathered a list of four tips to help you deal with loneliness. Number one, become friends
with yourself first. Self-care is extremely important for our mental health. The truth is, we may feel
lonely because deep down we long for our friendship.
When’s the last time you
were kind to yourself, took a minute to relax and
wind down just for you? And I don’t mean passing out after a long night of working. I mean conscious time dedicated to yourself and your thoughts, thoughts all on you, not work, not drama, just relaxation. This could mean a relaxing bubble bath instead of a quick shower. Some time spent doing an activity
or a hobby that you enjoy or perhaps sitting down
with your favorite book. When loneliness comes
knocking on the door, it’s a good idea to look inward and spend some time with
the friends within ourselves. They may be the ones to
help us calm ourselves and relieve some stress. That is if we do spend time with them. Once we’ve made friends with ourselves, we might not feel as lonely
around others or on our own, because you always know you got your back. Number two, show compassion. Oftentimes, when we’re lonely, we may wish that someone
could simply be there for us, someone to understand us
and show us some compassion. Well, a little compassion
can go a long way.
Don’t you feel a little cheery when someone compliments you? when someone does a favor for you? Don’t you feel a little
more valued and less alone? Wouldn’t you wanna bring that compassion to others as well and spread love? Because not only does carrying
out kind acts for others help them feel cheery, but it can make us feel cheery as well, and less lonely in the process. After all, we’re engaging in
a form of social interaction. Compassion can be a step
towards making a new friend, or simply feeling less lonely knowing you may have made someone’s day.
According to research from psychologists, Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, altruism can lead to improved
mental and physical health as well as speed up
recovery from diseases. Brain imaging research from
Naomi Eisenberger at UCLA has found that providing
support for others may have unique positive
effects on key brain areas involved in stress and reward responses. The research shows that a
little compassion and support can predict decreased stress
responses in the brain. So next time you’re feeling lonely, perhaps reach out to a
a family member or an old friend who could use some support,
donate to a charity or volunteer with an
organization you care about, maybe a mental health
organization on loneliness, I’m sure they’d love to
support as much as you.
Number three, find your tribe. As mentioned, you don’t
need to be physically alone to feel lonely. You could be at a loud,
seemingly fun party with others and still, you can’t help
but shake the feeling. Perhaps you do have friends or classmates you regularly talk to and
you do get along with them, but you don’t necessarily have
a lot in common with them. You may even find yourself disinterested in the topics they discuss, but politely not alone because hey they’re
your friends after all, and you care about them.
But sometimes you feel
like the odd one out. This may be due to the idea that you haven’t found your tribe yet. Tribe, what on earth do you mean? Well, looking for your tribe means you’re looking for people who share common interests
and ideas with you or possess traits you aspire to adopt. We should all surround
ourselves with others who share the same interests, so we can not only discuss what we value but gain a friend in doing so. It can take some people many
years to find their tribe, they don’t appear out of thin air. That’s why joining an online community with interests similar to your own is an easy place to start. If you enjoy a certain video game, reach out to online players
and make some friends. Or perhaps you’re a book lover, join a book club online or in person. You may find yourself with
your very own tribe in no time.
Number four, there is no perfect trend. If you’re lonely, you may have daydreamed about what it would be like
to be perfectly socialized, imagining yourself with
an ideal group of friends and your best friend, the perfect friend. Hate to burst your bubble, but there’s no such thing as perfect, meaning your imaginary friend isn’t all you’d hoped they’d be. Theory and research suggest that those with high
level of perfectionism are more at risk for depressive symptoms and suicide ideation because their feelings of alienation, isolation, and loneliness
are all the more intense.
The thing is, perfectionism and socializing may even prevent them
from socializing at all. Because when they do look
for the perfect friend, they can’t seem to find them anywhere. Philosopher and author of
In “A Philosophy of Loneliness” Lars Svendsen, argues that
people with chronic loneliness may likely be social perfectionists. Svendsen explains that
social perfectionism is more common among lonely
individuals than nonlonely. The lonely person thinks
that they’re unloved and that no one will befriend them. But perhaps the problem is rather that because they place such impossible demands on friendship and love, they are not capable of
loving or befriending someone. Now, are you capable
of befriending someone? Absolutely. Don’t let a little
perfectionism get in the way of making a new friend. People have flaws, and not every social interaction
is meant to be amazing. It can be awkward at times, or even silly.
Once we’re content with knowing
friendships can be messy, awkward, and silly at times, but we can then feel a little more relaxed when it comes to making a new friend. If you think your perfectionism is getting in the way of finding a friend, know that someone is out there for you, but they won’t be perfect. And flaws and all, you’ll
still love each other and may even be a little less lonely. There’s someone out there for you, you just have to keep looking. So, will you try out any of these tips? What online communities will you join? Let us know in the comments.
The studies and references used are listed in the description below. Don’t forget to hit the subscribe button and notification by icon
for more Psych2go videos and thank you for watching. And if this video helped you, please let us know by
liking and sharing it with someone who may be feeling lonely. After all, this video could
be a great way to reach out and support someone who is
suffering from loneliness. And in the process, you never know, you may just make a new friend.
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