My Brother Almost Died (18 Times…)
Foreign music: Hey Brenner, if you jump off this cliff right now, I’ll give you a penny.
Oh, hi, I’m Bryson, and a while ago, I made a video about the times I almost died and the times I got hurt badly. But that got me thinking about the other injuries in my family, and one sibling came to mind, one who would dodge the grasp of death more times than I can count, the sibling who had little to no regard for his mortality and would regularly hurt himself, the wild child, if you will, the youngest brother, Brenner. This is going to be a long video because Brenner gets injured a lot. I don’t want to cut out good stories or do a part two, so let’s just sit down, relax, grab some popcorn, and laugh at my brother’s pain.
Now, almost all of Brenner‘s injuries were self-inflicted. However, I think it’s only right we start the video with Brenner‘s very first injury, the one he got from me. Brenner had recently been born, and my parents invited me into the room to say hi to my new baby brother. As I said hello to him, he reached out his hand and scratched my chest. Now, Brenner was just a baby. He had no control of his body and was just moving around, but my four-year-old brain could not let this slide. “How dare you! First, you come into my house, take my spot as the cute youngest child, and take all the attention from my parents, and now this? I offered you my hand in friendship, and I felt hurt! You must pay recompense for your actions!” “Hey, no, stop, just calm down, don’t do it!” My parents tried to stop me, but it was too late. I reached out and scratched him back. He began to cry, and my parents put me in timeout. Little did Brenner know, his pain had just begun.
Okay, in all seriousness, I felt really bad for what I did. Even now, I still regularly apologize to Brenner about it, but he can’t even remember it, so he doesn’t care. “Brenner, my conscience has been getting to me lately, and I’m so sorry about what I did, dude.” “That was 17 years ago. Can you just move on?” “I forgive you.” “Okay, thank you. I love you, Brenner.” “I’m so glad I could get that off my chest.” (laughs)
Remember in my pain video where my brother Brody slammed the door on my fingers? Yeah, that experience runs in the family. Brody walked through a door as a young Brenner was sticking his fingers in the hinges, and Brody slammed the door again. Brenner‘s fingers bent every which way. If I had a nickel for every time I slammed a sibling’s fingers in the door, I’d have two nickels. That isn’t a lot, but, weirdly, it happened twice. Brenner‘s fingers didn’t break, and the doctors fixed him up. “Feel better soon, buddy, and don’t get into any more trouble.” “I will make no such promises.”
One time, Brenner and I were playing tag, and rather than be tagged by me, he jumped into a busy street, and a car barely avoided him. I guess Brenner was more willing to die than lose at the tag. “Would you rather die a terrible death or a definite death?” “Wait, you didn’t hear the other options?” I genuinely don’t know why he is so accident-prone, but this next story was no accident.
You know how sometimes your mom has a really good friend, so she decides to make you hang out with her friend’s children, but you don’t like them? Yeah, when I was younger, my mom sent me and Brenner to play with the neighbor kids, Jake and Steven. The main reason I didn’t like Jake was that he said,
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